While growing up, I had a timetable I figured my life would follow. A perfect little schedule: finish high school at 17, get into university immediately, graduate at 24 and get married at 26, have my first child at 27. But all that didn’t work. Especially regarding relationships. I’d always been confident in my singleness, I believed whenever it was time, I’d meet the right one. I figured when I got into the final year in university, I’ll be in a steady relationship and eventually get married. Along the way, I got into entanglements that left my heart broken and yearning to experience real love and not the pain I had. The more I got my heart broken, the more I yearned for love, a never ending circle of pain and longing.

Song of Songs 2:7 NIV says
“Daughters of Jerusalem, I charge you by the gazelles and by the does of the field: Do not arouse or awaken love until it so desires”.

I never really understood what it meant. I thought it was a warning on getting into relationships one wasn’t sure of. But sometime this morning , it suddenly dawned on me that it teaches one of the greatest lessons on love in the bible. Imagine what it’ll be like if we all waited for the right one sent by God to come our way before we fall in love, rather than moving from one person to another with the hopes of stumbling across Mr/Mrs Right along the way. If only I had waited for the love that God ordained, I wouldn’t have found myself in that circle. With nothing to show but scars.

Thinking back, I think the reason I lost faith along the way was because I got scared about ending up as an unmarried thirty something old spinster with nothing to show but regrets. A lot of friends were getting into relationships, engaged, married, and having kids. But here I was, single pringle and hoping that God sends Mr Right along. And what if I was wrong, what if God didn’t have a plan for me.

Love is a wonderful and great feeling, an emotion God himself understands. He wants us to enjoy it in its fullest, and not in half measures. I’m not totally where he wants me to be; safe and confident in my singleness. Knowing that when the right time comes, God will make it work.

I’m gradually making my way back there, learning to believe again and trusting that his plans will give me a future with an expected good end. Learning to live one day at a time. It isn’t so easy. But his grace and mercy will surely lead me on.

Here’s me wishing you a wonderful day.