The year so far has been a fascinating one. Better by far than the previous year, and filled with lessons. Including those I enjoyed learning and others that were painful to experience.
One of such lessons. Which looking back now wish I didn’t have to experience to learn was this “you cannot force someone to love you back”.
A few years ago, I discovered that I had wrongly assumed for a long time that love was something that could be chased and earned. I would hang around guys I had a crush on, spend a long time talking on the phone with them, buy gifts for them, and do so much more, With hopes that eventually, they’ll begin to see me in a different light; the same way I regarded them. As some would have guessed by now, it didn’t end up all too well for me. The experience left me with scares, painful memories, and a heart unwilling to fall in love again. So when my friends and those around me talked about how love was a wonderful experience, filled with tender moments and joyful memories, I wondered what they were talking about as my experiences had been totally different.
Upon further deliberation on the matter, I realized that the idea I had about love had been totally wrong. I believed that love could be earned, bought or coerced from someone. So far, I had been trying to earn the love of these guys. I had tried to buy their love and conform to an image that was pleasing to their sight, In hopes that they’ll begin to feel what I felt for them.
Donald Miller said, “love cannot be earned, it can only be given. And it can only be exchanged by people who are completely true to each other”.
To love someone is a Choice, and not to love is also a choice, a valid one at that. Taking a cue from God, we see that he loved us while we were yet sinners and he sent his Son, Jesus christ to die on the cross. We didn’t have to do anything to qualify to receive this love. It is open to everyone. Therefore, if our father in heaven can love us this way, who are we as his children and humans to try and buy, force, or coerce someone to love us in return? The most we can do is to place ourselves in a position that’ll get us to be noticed by the other party. Other than that, the choice to love give us his/her love in return is a personal one.
We deserve a love that’s freely given. Love that is not chased, coerced or given with conditions attached to it. You and I deserve to be loved wholly,fully, with our imperfections (with room for growth). Without any fear of rejection and judgment.
In conclusion, though this lesson was a hard one to learn, I’m glad I had the opportunity to do so. I’ll be waiting patiently and gladly for this great gift (hopefully, it’ll be soon enough).
Fay
Fay's Nightly Musings 